whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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