Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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