my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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