No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
