Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
