make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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