Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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