Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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