btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
