i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
