Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Is it because I queefed?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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