i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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