I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
