Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
