We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
