I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
