Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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