I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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