The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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