She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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