I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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