You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
