I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
