She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
