Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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