I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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