Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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