I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
wakey wakey hands off snakey
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
tell me about the eggs
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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