I skipped work to stalk him.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
