Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
