Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
too bad you live with your parents still
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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