You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
