you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
