now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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