Three words: puerto rican gang bang
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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