My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
