I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
