I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
