youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
