I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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