Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
