You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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