If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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