You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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