i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
