Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
