I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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