and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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