she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
