I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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