I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
