my sisters under your porch take her home
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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