i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
